Nick’s Poker-Funded-Vegas-Trip-Challenge

Vegas is the promised land for anyone who loves poker. The home of the World Series but also home of everything we love about the game – glitz, glamour and the promise of instant riches (what is glitz by the way, anyone…anyone?). There’s an old joke – ‘how do you leave Vegas with a small fortune? Arrive with a small one.’ Luckily my ambitions were more modest I was setting out to test drive Vegas for you. I’d spend one week playing solid poker with my mission to pay my expenses for the trip. A week of poker, mainly playing no limit cash, is the dream holiday but could it be a holiday for free?

To keep things simple I’m going to count the costs of the trip as my hotel and airfare (hey I’d have to eat at home too). The direct flight cost me £340 and my weeks stay at Bally’s would come in at £425. So my target winnings for the week are £765 – or in local money roughly $1450 or just over 200 dollars a day. Could I do it? It was gonna to be fun finding out.

When I landed at McCarran International it was the first time I’d set foot in Vegas for over four years. The last time I hadn’t planned on leaving. My brilliant “I’ll spend a few days in Canada then pop back in and start another 3 month stay” plan having been foiled by an immigration woman who looked like her quest for a single moment of joy or first orgasm would go a lifetime unfulfilled.

In that time things have changed a bit – they keep building hotels, there’s now uncut pornography in the hotel rooms (it used to be that version of porn with the talking and kissing and none of the good stuff… my mate told me) …oh and it’s turned into poker paradise with more poker rooms and games than you could dream of.

Of course all that had to wait on my first night. As I’d been working flat out up to the trip with little sleep then failed to doze off for a second on the flight it was time to get an early night and be fresh for the games tomorrow. Was it bollocks. I’d waited four years to be back here and cards were going to be in my hands immediately – strange bleeding in the white bits of my eyes or no strange bleeding in the white bits of my eyes.

I must have looked like an addict in withdrawal as I twitched and shuffled my way through the registration process. ‘Look woman I don’t care if I’m in the broom cupboard just give me somewhere to throw my badly packed bags’. I wish I could report that when I got in the room I didn’t throw my bags in the corner, bounce several times on the oversized bed (a Vegas tradition) and run to the elevator but dear reader I cannot tell you a lie.

Twelve hours later and it was 3am local time ridiculousam Nick’s body clock time and I managed to crawl to bed. The Vegas Gods had welcomed me back with open arms and despite playing in smaller games than normal (my only concession to my all consuming fatigue) I’d made several hundred dollars. Happily I can report I did the decent thing and threw the ‘c notes’ on the bed and rolled round naked in them.

I woke about 5 hours later with no idea of the time, living somewhere between sleep and waking – where I’d spend the next 7 days. I pulled open the heavy light excluding curtains to reveal the world’s ultimate playground glistening in the desert. The phone moved almost unconsciously into my hand and I heard myself ordering a stack of blueberry pancakes, orange juice and coffee….ahhh Vegas. It was clear my biggest problem of the week would be where to play. I’d decided to play almost exclusively cash games – hey it’s what I do – and I’d figured that there was so much tournament poker on TV that plenty of bad play would have seeped into the cash games.

The first thing you realise when you sit down in a Vegas cash game is the variety of people and standards you’ll encounter. At most tables you’ll see everything from tourists looking to have fun, to working pros, red necked biker freaks and poker player writers. Your mission is to categorise these people as quickly and accurately as possible and it’s not always straightforward. A quick tip is people tend to be very chatty at the tables in Vegas. When you first sit down try chumming up with the person next to you – they’ll probably fill you in on everyone they’ve been playing with.

The first three days were a poker heaven. I’d drag myself out of bed sit bleary eyed at the table and watch the nice man in the white shirt push me piles of chips. It was one of those glorious runs where poker is an easy game and everything I touched turned to gold. I also had a huge amount of success over betting my strong hands – if this isn’t already part of your cash game play add it to your arsenal.

At the end of the third day I was sitting in a 2-5 NL game with a very weak player with a penchant for neat jack daniels. He’d been playing every hand and hitting every flop and was sitting with a big stack in front of him. It was really late and I hate to admit it but he’s the reason I’m still up. It’s mercenary I know but everyone else is there for him too – like hyenas circling a lame zebra waiting to see who gets to make the kill. I ended up in a dream scenario – making quads on the river, with three sixes on board, to his very obvious full house. I made the big over bet moving all in and he announced – well slurred ‘I don’t believe you’ and called. I felt bad about busting him, for 8 seconds, but he seemed fairly happy with life as he staggered into the casino despite giving me over 600 dollars in one hand.

I went to bed that night I’d spent three solid days playing no higher than 2/5 and I was $1680 up. I knew I was running good – but that was the holiday paid for, mission accomplished time to retire to a Jacuzzi for four days.

If only I had for as next day my run abruptly ended – the good hands became scarce and good situations disappeared. Finally I have proof of Karma – I took down the nice drunk man and look at me now. However if you’re going to have a losing run have it in Vegas – there are compensations. Amazing food, the bright lights, the not so bright women and the poker celebrities. In fact spending time in Vegas poker rooms will turn anyone in a poker groupie. Every night in their goldfish bowl glass enclosure of Bobby’s room (Vegas has a rule that all games must be visible so this is the rather funny compromise) you can see some of the world’s best.

Sometimes they’re even closer to home. I sat down in the Mirage 2-5NL, took my chips out their rack and stacked them up – posted my blind and looked up at Mason Malmuth. Yup him that writes all the books, the clever one who looks like he’s never been outside. Anyway I can confirm he plays tight – and he sits on lots of cushions to make his already not inconsiderable frame even more imposing… no really! (you’ll find that Advanced Holdem just after semi-bluffing).

Out of no where I was on a poker celebrities roll and the next one coincided with one of the low points of the trip. I was playing in a 5-10NL in the Bellagio – not the ideal choice when you’re running badly but I still liked my edge in the game. I’d made friends a female pro from L.A. and we were having fun discussing the hands and players. Slightly ahead in the game I found KK in early position and to cut a horrendous, already giving me flash backs story short, ended up losing a significant pot with my opponent in the hand made a flush on the turn. The chips – my chips – were being pushed to the young pro across the table I looked up to see the unmistakeable be-hatted figure of one of the world’s leading tournament players Kenna James talking to my lady pro friend. Never one to miss an opportunity to learn – or be humiliated publicly – I stood up and asked for his feedback on how I played the hand. It turns out Kenna would have checked the turn then, based on his read and the opponent, he would have either check raised, called or folded. Well what does he know? All he’s won is almost 3 million in tournaments. My solace was my new found lady pro who jumped to my defence and said she would have bet the turn to and suddenly we were into one of those glorious poker debating sessions.

One thing I will remember the hand for, apart from the cowboy hat based play correction, is that it illustrated the theme of my play on this trip position. If you play No Limit Holdem drill this into your brain – position is everything. In position you can play without cards, make fancy moves to take pots away and so on. Out of position – even with a strong hand and one of the world’s best looking on – you’re often just guessing. This capped two losing days which cost me $625. After my five days my running total was at $1055. Playing these limits no limit my trip could still go either way.

It was time to refuel and re-energise. And in Vegas feeling better is only a visit to the hotel spa and a massive buffet away. I also had an appointment to keep as I was meeting one the biggest poker Celebs of them all. I’d done a TV show with Johnny Chan in the UK and I was delivering a copy of it to the great man. Though he spends a lot of his time on media projects and his own products, at the moment he’s building his website Chan poker, he’s still one of the most feared players in the biggest games in town. I wouldn’t be seeing Johnny across the table any time soon but as we went to our very different games I was hoping a little oriental, orange based magic would have rubbed off.

I needed to stop my little losing streak and I managed to do it thanks to a very lose Saturday night game at the MGM. The star of which was a model from LA who appeared to be high on life (please note I’ve used the word life for legal reasons) and kept pulling out 500 dollar units like she had to get rid of it. Often her ability to call all in with second pair saw her mission accomplished. She was throwing a party for everyone at the table and, though I didn’t get as rich as some, she stopped my losing streak.

The last night in Vegas arrived far too quickly and with it the last ritual, to squeeze out every last drop. I was sitting on a nice profit for the trip – up $1350 – but still just short of my $1450 objective, it would all come down to tonight’s session.

When you arrive in Vegas tired you leave tired, you don’t catch up. Now I’ve read in several books and articles (some of which I’ve written) that you shouldn’t play tired…. They may have a point.

But this was my last night and you’d be amazed at what a shower and a newly purchased tracksuit can do for you. 14 hours later I was finishing my trip in the ideal way – with a stack in front of me that had doubled in size, a good atmosphere at the table and a couple of new poker buddies and a plate of stake eggs and hash browns. Leaving the table was almost impossible but the knowledge that I’d accomplished my mission made it a little easier. I was $465 up for the night.

Back in my hotel room I had just enough energy to tally up the week. Total profit $1805 – a little over 900 quid. I’d broken my target and managed to pay for the trip…sweet. There’s no question I ran good for most of the week, though is some of my good hands had happened in the bigger games it could have been even better. If I can do, it so can you – a free holiday playing poker is within your grasp. And hey, if you end up losing there’s no better city in the world to lose in.

After two hours sleep – hey I owed it to myself – I was standing at McCarran waiting to leave. In the departure lounge you have a perfect view of the strip from the side so it fills the entire panorama. It’s a special last minute torture, or the best bit of repeat business marketing in history. The English voices telling each other stories about ‘tourist Vegas’ which I don’t see anymore slipped away as I moved closer to the window.

As the sun moves low in the sky in Vegas the glass tinted windows of the monolith hotel towers start to glow. The Wynn’s dull rust colour shines nearly orange and Mandalay bay glows bright gold. I’ve been told it’s gaudy and over the top, I’ve been told there other places you can visit; thanks – I’ll take Vegas.

Vegas Playing Tips

Categorise your opponents… based on how they play as quickly as possible. Remember appearances can be deceptive – the intimidating young kid with the headphones way have watched too much WPT and just taken up the game where as the pensioner hells angel reject

Rake… The bane of all live play depending on your limits this can have a real effect on your profits. In Vegas its 10% up to 4 dollars. At 5/10 no limit this isn’t such a problem but it can make a 1/2 game without many big pots almost impossible to beat.

Tipping… the dealer is customary in Vegas. It’s not an obligation but it’ll help you’re Karma if you do! It’s normal to tip a dollar every time you take a reasonable pot. As with the rake remember it’s money out of your winnings and if you’re playing seriously at the lower limits it can affect your profits. Ah the age old good guy vs. rich guy moral dilemma.

Verbal… If you haven’t played much live poker before, or if Vegas is a new environment announce everything to the dealer before you do it. The dealers in town are usually excellent and they will protect you if you’ve made it clear what you’re doing.

Drinking… Is complimentary at the tables. You can ask for almost anything – in fact at the fancier hotels trying to get elaborate drinks for free is a fun game to liven up the table. It carries a massive health warning of course – that free drink can end up costing you several hundred dollars in a no limit game.

Cocktail Waitress Flirting… is actively encouraged. I recommend the line ‘how about I buy you a drink this time’ … no?

Originally published in Poker Player magazine.

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