Training For Vegas

September 10, 2009 by Nick Wealthall

Nick Wealthall You’ll forgive me if I’m a little distracted this month. The thing is I’m in the ‘zone’. I’ve got my game face on. I’m …you know… ‘locked in’ n that. The problem is it’s the few days before going to Vegas for the series and I’m in training. I’m in a hyped up volatile state. If you approach me with anything other than poker chat I’m not responsible for my actions – it’s like waking a sleep walker; dangerous (and less funny than standing pointing and laughing at them).

By the time you read this I’ll be one of the final tablists busy putting the ‘emberni’ into November Nine. Given that definite fact I thought it might be interesting for you to have this written record of the training regime that catapulted me to the final table and poker super stardom….no?? Well you’re gonna get it anyways.

As regular readers of my columns will know (hi mum) I’m playing the main event for the first time. They have a loyalty programme where if you’ve spent the equivalent of 4 entry fees on satellites without managing to win a seat in your lifetime they give you one – it’s like a charity thing for under talented players. As the one thing in poker I’ve always wanted to do but haven’t yet it’s kind of a big deal. It’s pretty likely I’ll only play it once so my inevitable final table appearance alone isn’t enough; I want to play well too.

The problem with preparing for a big poker event is how do you prepare for a big poker event? When I first started playing and I took my local £20 freeze outs far too seriously I used to cram like it was an exam. Not only did I write down key points on bits of paper for me to look at during play containing gems of wisdom like ‘don’t do anything stupid’ but I also known to take a poker book to the tournament to read just before it started. Turns out this doesn’t work – I’m still not sure whether that’s because cramming for poker tournaments is weird or because the poker was the exorable ‘Championship No Limit Holdem by T.J. Cloutier’.

I’ve decided that as well as actually playing some live tournaments there are a few other things to get me in the WSOP main event ‘zone’ – here they are, they will be handed down and copied for generations so get ‘em while they’re hot -

Spending time with people without personal hygiene

It’s a condition of the event that you’ll be forced very close to people who aren’t aware that they’re hotel room has an ensuite bathroom. To prevent this being a shock I’m spending time close to that bloke on the back of the bus people are slightly scared of and some cat ladies.

Replaying movies in my head

The main event is ten handed, live poker without shuffle machines. As entertainment it’s reasonably close to standing on a train platform waiting for the B1934507/2 to pull in. I have therefore spent hours perfecting my powers of recall to the point where I can now remember every movie I’ve seen perfectly. I will be replaying them in real time during my main event run.

Atrophying my body

It’s absolutely vital to be in the perfect physical condition for a big event like this. And the perfect physical condition for the main event is to become used to sitting on your arse for unnaturally long periods. To train for this I have been eating cake and bacon in order to try and grow the natural cushion only a truly roomy arse can generate. Oh to have that super slow metabolism so many of our American cousins seem so blessed with.

Align sleeping pattern

The curse of the European player in Vegas is jet lag. I’m cleverly removing this problem by adjusting my sleep pattern while in Britain so I’m on Vegas time before I arrive – it’s genius. This involves going to bed at 8am so it’s a 2 hour change for me; it’s a big shift but I’ll get there

Rejecting female company

The main event is an exercise in being confined in a room with many many men and basically not a woman in site. To prepare for this I’m swearing off female contact until the main event – as you can imagine this involves fending off a barrage of phone calls….two … (hi again mum)

Hate the enemy – everyone is a suspect

It’s important to be there to win – to stamp on their throats and take their chips. In order to get into this state I’ve stolen a trick from the world of boxing. Much as a boxer before a big fight has a photo of his opponent on his mirror to see and learn to hate his face so have I with my opponents for the main event. Admittedly 6,844 photos is a struggle and I have had to buy several more mirrors but for that competitive edge it’s worth it.

So there we are I’ve covered every base and success is all but guaranteed. Can’t wait to start my main event run – don’t worry I’m not really delusional about it; it should be an awesome hour and a half before my Aces get cracked and I’m in the bar telling strangers about it.