Rekindle That Poker Magic

Let’s be clear about a few things up front. I love poker. I think about it too much and play it too much. I openly admit I’m addicted to it and everything about it (step one of a twelve step process). But am I still in love with it?

I thought I was. I still look at poker the same way. Still lavish time and attention on her – hec I’ll even listen to what she’s done that day if I absolutely have to. But then something recently brought me up short and made me question my life long love affair.

I had occasion to watch my old, slightly damaged NTSC cassette of the legend Stu Ungar winning the world series of poker in 1997 for the first time in years. Instantaneously I was transported to my first few years of discovering poker. I relived the first time I saw a poker game in a Las Vegas casino; there was a man in an actual cowboy hat (at the time it was unbelievably intimidating – it took me a while to realise the $1-5 stud game at the Luxor was a little bit shit). I absorbed everything even remotely related to the game I good get my hands on; books, videos, articles anything. The point was it was all so difficult to get as poker barely existed in the UK. It was precious, mysterious and special. Before poker I was a middle class boy vaguely uncomfortable in his own skin – poker became a route to living out a wilder side. Playing was my relief, my meditation and my celebration.

A lot of time has gone by since then. I’m older and you know what; poker’s changed. Anyway I think it’s her that’s changed. I’m still the same aren’t I? I still keep my self in good shape for her – still bring lots of enthusiasm to our time together and make sure it’s quality time. But she’s different now. She’s commoditised, corporatised and well… a little used. The veil has been lifted and everyone’s had a good look. Time was when I used to have to explain to people why poker isn’t gambling – now I have to justify to them why the play I made was +EV.

It’s time to face up to the fact that now when we meet it’s not making love anymore – maybe it’s just…you know sports sex. Damn good and it satisfies that unscratchable itch but when I look into her eyes where I once saw magic now I see hand ranges, endorsement deals and – when she looks back into mine maybe she sees a jaded man; of course still very easy on the eye but without that special look I saved just for her

This cannot continue. Clearly we have to work at our relationship. I accept – I’ve taken it for granted and that has to change. Now obviously I’m not going to be the one to change; that would be ludicrous. So let’s see what changes poker can make to give us back that old magic…

Give me Stu Ungar incarnate.

We can’t bring back poker’s rock star but can’t we have some new ones? Stu once finished ninth in the WSOP without playing the penultimate day because he was in A & E being resuscitated from a 38 drug cocktail hell ride. Now if a player is late for a tournament it’s because he’s overbooked his media interview slots. I want my poker stars struggling with inner demons and drowning in cash, women and illegal substances – is that too much to ask?

Ban hole card cameras.

I thought I wanted to see how the great players play but now I’m the child who wanted to know how the woman was sawn in half and found out it was just fake legs. Poker is an easy game when you can see the cards – when you can’t it’s magical.

Destroy all poker strategy tutorial products or information of any kind.

I am more than fully aware this is ludicrously hypocritical and professional suicide but I’ve got to make some sacrifices to make this work. There’s just too much knowledge out there. How to play used to be learned by paying money in losses and desperately trying to winkle it out of players that knew. Now so many people know so much and tell you so often you’d have to be deaf not to get better.
(you could probably exempt Phil Hellmuth’s black belt course from this without making too much difference).

At least one cowboy and one player named after a city per table mandatory.

Instantly ban for life any poker player that asks Jesus for a card or thanks god for a victory. That was the final straw. Poker is a bad thing to do. It is not a career path, it is not a responsible choice, it is naughty and Jesus would have sucked balls at it.

And alright one for me because I really need this to work…

Wash my brain. Get rid of it all. Let me experience poker for the first time again. Let me view the best players as supermen, the money as beyond belief, and every hand a voyage of discovery.

Let me look on it as my big adventure just one more time.

Originally published in Poker Player magazine.

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