Losing at Poker

Aaarrrrrggghhhhhhh!! That is the sound of a heart breaking. It’s the sound Wesley makes when he thinks his true love is dead (if you don’t know what I’m talking about watch The Princess Bride immediately it’s joyous). It is also the sound you would have heard if you were outside my flat three nights ago. It is the sound of pain. It is the sound of a 14 buy in down swing.

I’m losing. Losing at poker and I loathe it. This is the third really significant downswing of my poker career and it’s in danger of reaching heroic proportions. Before it started I was having a decent year. I hadn’t been able to play as much as I’d liked but I’d made money and was close to making a long overdue move up in limits. And then the losing started.

First of all a home truth for you all. Everyone loses. Everyone that’s ever put down money in a poker game loses. Losing is built into the game. The best cash players in the world will lose over 40% of the sessions they play – that’s a lot of losing and that’s the best players. It isn’t a question of if you’ll lose, it’s when, how much and for how long.

The anatomy of a downswing usually consists of two distinct parts. The first is where you’re playing well but running bad. The second you’re playing bad because you’re full of frustration and self hate and staring into a pit of despair. Apparently Phil Ivey once said he doesn’t believe in running bad. I have no idea if he actually said it but if he did he’s either wrong or he’s the only human it’s never happened too… which is a decent possibility.
I prefer the old poker adage ‘one day you will run worse than you ever thought possible’. In fact you won’t believe it can happen as badly as it can until it does. It’s like that film you start watching and think I won’t walk out just yet – it can’t possibly stay this bad; it must get better; mentioning no names (Broken Flowers)

I can still remember some of the beats that started it all. I remember trapping the over aggro regular in a huge pot, letting him bluff me into my set only for him to two outer me on the river. I remember losing a 200bb pot with AA against KK. I remember them all like small grinding deaths. At about 7 or 8 buy ins in the frustration started to kick in. Understand I was about to move up. I know I can beat this level – I own it; crush it even, except now I was losing. Even worse it was happening quickly. I wasn’t losing a bit then winning a bit but dropping overall – I was sitting down for a new session and losing with magnificent regularity.

I’ve written several times and said on TV several times when asked that if you’re in a bad run and getting frustrated you should take a break from poker. Well you know what – that’s for pussies. Do you know what the real answer is – it’s simple.. play more poker. Real players take their lumps, bite their bottom lip and get back in the game. Plus you can’t win the money back ‘relaxing and doing something else’ can you?

And so we proceed to stage two. It’s the subject for another column but very very few people understand how fine the lines are in poker. A winning player only has a small edge in the game and if you’re not playing even a few percent below your best you may not be winning anymore. At this stage in our journey of spew I’m not ‘tilting’ in the conventional sense. But I am playing without confidence and with frustration. If you just miss the odd call here and there or a value bet because you’re scared of being beat it’s incredibly hard to win. Plus I was still running bad and getting beaten up at every turn.

And so a few more buy ins slipped away… and the frustration built and built. Things came to a head (or a pit) a couple of nights ago by the end of which I was tilting ‘in the conventional sense’. I played a big pot where my opponent made a suspiciously big bet on the end. I was sure he’d missed a draw – asked him if he did in the chat box and guessed his hand. The timer was ticking down; I was sure he’d missed his straight so I … folded. At which point he showed me his missed straight draw as my chips went his way. Okay now I’m steaming in a way I haven’t done for months, maybe years. Culminating in on of the worst played hands in my poker life.
Put it this way if you’re ever in a hand and you find yourself saying – out loud alone in the room at 3a.m. – ‘I know you’ve got me beat but I’m calling to find out how’… you should not be playing.

Anyway I’m now taking a break from poker. Hey it’s the sensible thing to do – you know relax, reflect work on my game. I hope you’re poker life is like Phil Ivey’s and you never find out what running bad and a big downswing really is. I hope you win and win and win because this … just… sucks.

Originally published in Poker Player magazine.

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