Don’t Panic…Keep Calm and Carry On

Do you remember Dad’s Army the programme about the old people pretending to be in a war? And by ‘do you remember’ I mean can you think back about 3 weeks to the last time the beeb repeated it in prime time. There was an hilarious character whose only line, presumably because that’s all he could remember was ‘don’t panic.’ Well after years of being phenomenal bordem I’ve finally found a use for it.

I’m not sure if you’ve heard but playing poker contains a lot of mathematical deviation from true results – or variance. That’s the technical definition the realtime playing definition is ‘aaaarrrrgggghhhhhhh’. Being on the end of negative variance or ‘a lot of bad luck’ can feel like getting beaten up. This is never truer than during a multitabling session of cash poker. If you’re having a bad run and it’s happening on all the tables simultaneously it can feel like you’re boxer being beaten up on the ropes. Actually it can feel like you’re a boxer in an alley way being beaten up by six blokes with led pipes and you’ve been retired for 30 years and so you can’t fight back and you’ll happily give everyone you’re money if the pain would just stop.

This was happening to me after a disastrous beginning to a session this month and I was reminded that the key is not to panic. I’d managed to finish work in time for a really long session and settled on to my normal 4 tables. I’d found a couple of soft tables and was confident I had a good edge….and then they started dealing cards. The closest I can describe it is like they changed the rules of poker and made it a game where Nick has to run into a brick wall with spikes sticking out of it repeatedly.

In less than 200 hands I’d been stacked 3 times, lost most of the pots I’d entered, had almost every continuation bet raised and on the rare occasion I’d had a big hand had no action at all.
I was 4 and a half buyins down and starting to lean more than a shade tiltward. Generally I don’t like to lose more than 5 or 6 buy ins in a session. It’s not a rigid stop loss limit but after a certain amount of pain it’s really hard to play with the right attitude and I’m not really into that feeling of sick when I wake up unless I have a really really good night to explain it.

As I felt the red mist gently clouding in and that warm agitated feeling starting to flush my cheeks. It was time to remember Corporal Jones and his ludicrously hammy catch phrase and taken an honest look at the situation. The great thing in cash games as opposed to donkaments is that if the fish take money from you the money is often sitting there for you to get it back. I looked back through the big pots I’d lost and confirmed there really was nothing I could have done differently. In one my opponents flush draw had got there, in another my AK suited had run into KK preflop and in the third I’d made a semi bluff shove that had been called and not got there. With my time again I wouldn’t play any of them any differently – they were all super standard. So I haven’t played badly and generally over my tables I had a decent edge on my opponents.

The only question was could I play well from here on in or had this car crash start got to me. The golden rule in cash is don’t let bad luck turn tilt you and lose double what you should. I took a deep breath and decided to play on – stopping if I lost a couple more buy ins.

This pause in the session worked wonders. Of course it didn’t let the random number generator know but it did stop my rising panic and feeling of losses. I was calm and clear thinking again. Soon after I played a pot where I reraised with JJ from the small blind against an aggressive button opener. The flop came low with two hearts. I made my continuation bet and my opponent shoved over the top of it. My heart sank with the prospect of yet more pain and having to log off early. The villan was capable of playing Aces and Kings like this, also a set, two pair or a big draw – or even air. It’s a sucky spot but I felt like he was making a move on me enough of the time that giving up this pot would be huge mistake. I called to be shown the Ace hearts, Queen of hearts and we were flipping coins.

It all evens out in the end – luckily for my evening it started evening out in that pot. The board ran out with lovely looking bricks, I’d won my first stack of the night and the momentum had turned. I slowly fought back over the next few sessions and though I ended up a loser for the session it was for one buy in and not the dreaded 6 or 7. I decided to celebrate my fight back by enjoying some episodes of ‘Dad’s Army’… I got about as far as the third ‘Captain…MannneeeWearing’ before deciding the old duffers had taught me all they could.

Originally published in Poker Player magazine.

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